Worried ...

 New post on the new blog:

Worried

The Pen

New post on my new Blog - click below to visit:

The Pen

Overactive Mind

New post on my new blog - click below for this post:
Overactive Mind

Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety

New post on my new blog - click below to visit:
Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety

New Blog Site!!!

I've opened a new Blog and have transferred all posts from this blog to the new one.  I hope this doesn't cause any disruption if you've been following me and finding these posts helpful. This blog site often proves temperamental for me and leaving comments often impossible, plus the new blog is now part of the website.

You can continue following the posts here - and leave a comment!!!

Letting Time Pass

Letting Time Pass - or in layman's terms, be patient.

Dr Claire Weekes used the term Let Time Pass, and this is something you'll have to get used to because nothing you do will make recovery happen any quicker than it wants to.

Being patient is one of the hardest things to do when you have anxiety, because we all want to be well RIGHT NOW.  The thought of having to spend another day feeling wretched is often too much to bear, but sadly this is what you have to do.

I've heard so many people say "I'm sick of all this, I've had enough and I can't wait months to recover".  Well ok, but what are you going to do then?  You have 2 choices - you either wait patiently to recover or you rush off, change your meds, search of Google once again for a quick fix cure (there is none by the way), and charge about in life hoping you'll out run it.  The quickest way to recover is to wait patiently, because the more you chase recovery, the more you get upset and impatient, then the more you'll have to wait because you often end up pushing recovery further away.

I often explain to people about letting time pass, being patient, and I hear "yes I understand it'll take time, though I need to be well for this holiday I've got coming up".  Or, "yes I understand, but I've taken meds for 8 weeks now so shouldn't I be better"?  This is not being patient.  You can't say you understand and in the next breath be questioning the time it takes.  You cannot put a timescale on how long it takes - stop clock watching.

It doesn't matter if you've been ill for 2 months, 2 years or 20 years and it doesn't matter if you're not well by that next holiday, by Christmas or what other important date you've got coming up.  Recovery will take its own time for you - you are unique and recovery will be different for you as it is to the next person.  Theirs might take 3 months and yours might take 9 months, or theirs might take a year and yours 4 months.  Do not compare your recovery timescale to anyone else's.  Theirs is unique for their body and yours is unique for yours.

So ........ 

Let time pass - after all, good things are worth waiting for .....

Overactive Nervous System

Understanding I had an overactive nervous system was the biggest break-through for me in recovering from 16 years of chronic anxiety.

This is the only thing that is wrong with you.  Your nervous system is on constant high alert.

Anxiety is the result of stress.  We all get stressed - it’s our body’s natural alarm system warning us there is danger present.  After the danger has passed our body will return to normal.

However - if you have stress on a regular basis, time after time, for a long period of time, then it will begin to have an effect on your body and your life.

Stress releases the hormone adrenaline which this increases your heart rate, blood pressure, dilates your pupils, makes your breathing become rapid - all in preparation to deal with the ‘danger’ you’re faced with.

We all have our own limit to how much stress we can cope with - overload at work, relationship problems, children, caring for ageing parents ……. anything can cause our stress to build, which will make your nervous system start to become heightened.

If you don’t get relief from the stress and you continue to push your body, it will get to a point when your body has had enough and it can result in a panic attack or anxiety.  This is just your body saying it has had enough and it needs to relax in order to recover so your nervous system can return to normal.

But … now that you’ve had the experience of a panic attack or anxiety, this will feel very frightening and you become afraid of this feeling.  Your mind will begin to race as you try to make sense of it all, and this will bring on more and more anxiety.  You will probably start to experience intrusive thoughts about anything and everything - frightening thoughts that also cause anxiety, adding more anxiety onto the anxiety you already have.  Your body will probably shake, your heart will pound, your head hurt, your sleep will be disturbed, appetite affected, you wonder where to turn, what to do, and above anything else you’ll be completely confused about what is happening to you.

You will no doubt start searching the internet for answers, hoping for that instant relief, will gather information up, wonder which piece you should follow, you’ll become scared at some things you read ie about people who haven’t recovered, scaremonger stories about how medicines can make you worse etc etc.  You are now susceptible to feel bad things that you read, and you’ll take on all the negative stories than you will the positive ones.

You will look for an instant cure, someone to talk to who will take away your suffering, go from Doctor to Doctor, treatment to treatment, medicine to medicine, making yourself worse as you fight this ‘thing’.

There is no instant cure.  But … you can be cured.  It takes times - lots of time.

The first fear (anxiety / panic) always coms first - the second fear (constant ruminating, worry, trying to fix) comes second, and its this second fear that keeps you constantly sensitised.  It feeds it.

First you have to understand that this ‘thing’ comes from inside you.  It is nothing more than an overactive nervous system - your body became sensitised from being stressed, and sensation means your nervous system is on high alert - it notices every thought and feeling to an extreme, and we find it very hard to focus on anything else but how we think and feel.  Sensitisation means we have too much stress hormone in our body and it needs releasing - deep breathing, exercise etc help calm your nervous system.  The medicine calms your nervous system (as does the book method) and all thoughts and feelings will return to normal.

You need to understand and ACCEPT this in order to move forwards.  Accepting means that the cure comes from within.

FACING your fears - now that’s a hard one.  Changing the way you react to your fear is key.  Every time you feel anxiety, whether its about going out, being afraid of your physical health, afraid of the intrusive thoughts etc, instead of recoiling in fear and panicking about them and thinking ‘what to do, why me, how do I, oh I’ll never be free’ etc etc, instead you need to relax towards the feelings and thoughts, let them come and go, then you will in time lose the fear of them.  No its not easy, yes it will feel uncomfortable, no it will not give you instant relief, yes it takes time, yes you will fail many times, yet you can do this!!!

I know you’re saying ‘its ok for you, but I have ‘such and such’ fear and if only I can get passed that I’ll be ok.  No - this is not accepting and facing.  Again you’re saying but, but, but ……..  Exactly what I said.

It doesn’t matter what fear you have, it doesn’t matter what weird and intrusive thought or compulsion you have - this works.  Whenever your thought crops up, relax towards it and remind yourself that this is your heightened nervous system that is causing this.  Your body needs a break - it needs relaxation.

The intrusive thoughts will continue to come - and wy shouldn’t they, they’ve been a habit for a while now and will take a while before they disappear.  See my post on Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts. 

When you have an intrusive thought dominant in your mind, by changing the way you react to it will take away the importance of it and it will lose its power.

Believe me - I was plagued with scary thoughts for 16 years, with one always becoming more dominant than another.  I was like you, I never believed I’d ever be free of anxiety.  It was other people who recovered - not me.

That change when I learnt it was just my nervous system that had become heightened and was causing my body to be sensitised.

For further information read the books by Dr Claire Weekes and Paul David.

You can do this.  I did……..

Anxiety is your Friend

Anxiety my friend?  How on earth can something so dreadful be your friend?

You can recover from anxiety with medicine, with understanding (see Paul David's book), with either or both.  Medicine certainly has its place and is there to help you, so if you are prescribed medicine then don't worry about it - just take it, its there for a reason.  Some people feel ashamed they've resorted to anti-depressants, or feel they're weak.  You're not.  If you had a broken leg you wouldn't be expected to suffer without taking painkillers, or if you had high blood pressure, again you wouldn't be expected to fix this yourself without medicine.  So anti-depressants are there to help you just the same as any other medicine will help any other ailment.  There is nothing wrong with taking them - I certainly did, and for 16 years too.  They were an absolutely godsend for me.

I would absolutely recommend you equip yourself with understanding anxiety - knowledge is power. If you don't know what's happening to you then it will frighten you, will add to your worries and add anxiety onto the anxiety you already have.  When I began to understand anxiety it took away a huge amount of confusion and fear, and enabled me to just follow one path.

Admittedly I wasn't able to put into place exactly what I'd learnt, as 16 years of anxiety is a hard habit to break, but as I started to recover on SSRI's I began to see it even clearer and was able to look down on anxiety rather than through it.

One thing to know is that when you recover you don't just leave anxiety behind, but you take it with you on your journey towards recovering, and along that route you'll go through a mix of hellish days, ok days, bad days, good days, rock bottom days, flat days, ok days, bad days, really good days ........ so when you have a good days followed by bad ones, don't despair, just understand that this is all part of recovery.  Let anxiety walk beside you as you recover, because it will anyway even if you don't want it to.

The key to recovery is changing our attitude towards anxiety.  Fearing it spikes more anxiety, this anxiety creates side effects, racing mind, intrusive thoughts all which cause more anxiety - yet allowing anxiety to be there, relax towards it, letting rage about you like a hurricane overhead, paying no attention to it whilst you carry on, is facing it.  By doing this you re-educate your brain to not fear it, and the fear will slowly die.  Yes its uncomfortable, you won't feel it working and you certainly won't feel better overnight, but it works in time.

You can't do this without the anxiety being present - how can you practice riding a bike if you don't have a bike?  So welcome anxiety, because you need it to be present in order to practice riding it through.  Let it be your friend.

Believe me - I've been there

Get the book - At Last a Life!!

Depersonalisation / Brainfog / Fuzzy Head / Detached

Depersonalisation can feel strange - as if you're in another world.  I had this too, and it felt as if my head was in a goldfish bowl and I was looking out at the world, watching others go about their life feeling normal and happy, and I so longed to be able to join them.

Some people refer to it as if being in a dream, feeling detached from reality, a dull head, fuzzy thoughts, sluggish brain or brainfog.  They are all the same thing.

Worrying about this feeling is pointless - its a side effect of anxiety, and to worry about it causes tension, dread, fear of it which all then causes more anxiety, keeping you in the constant anxiety loop.  But its hard not to get frustrated with it, as it seems the harder you try and escape from it, the harder you'll feel stuck in it.

So what is it exactly?

When you have anxiety your thoughts will start to turn inwards - your mind will constantly be trying to work out what's wrong, will try and find ways to 'fix' things, will no doubt be consumed with intrusive thoughts which the mind will also try and solve, you'll constantly think about all the other things you're feeling ie the racing heart, panic, lump in your throat, fear of leaving your home ....... and so many other thoughts that constantly crowd your mind.  This is tiring.

Everyone in the world has constant thoughts, but their thoughts are usually about things outside of their body, of things they need to do, work, friends, exciting hobbies, holidays etc etc ... the general everyday thoughts you used to have.  These thoughts flit in and out with some are hardly noticed and others usually forgotten about.  Though people have the same amount of thoughts as an anxious person does, the difference is they don't dwell on them, they don't constantly over analyse why they have this symptom or that symptom, and above all, they don't constantly think of themselves and how to fix things.

This is what makes our mind so tired, and this is what begins to make you feel detached from the world.  We become so consumed by the way we feel and think that we find it hard to think of anything else, concentrate on anything, read a book, watch TV or even hold a conversation with someone.

Understand this feeling will go as the anxiety eases.  Its a side effect.

But what can you do in the meantime?  The way to move forward is to try not to obsess about the symptoms that anxiety is producing.  They are only present because you have anxiety (like a runny nose accompanies a cold).  Worrying about the side effects will just cause more anxiety, so just try and let those side effects be there, nothing will happen to you - understand that they will disappear as you recover from anxiety.

Take the feelings with you, work with them there, have small conversations with others even if it feels a little odd, don't beat yourself up and be impatient with yourself - it takes time to recover, don't try and escape from this feeling - just let it be (you'll find it'll disappear by itself), understand this is temporary and it'll go as anxiety eases, if you need to retreat at times and be by yourself - that fine, we all need our own space, so again don't beat yourself up about it - but try not to isolate yourself too much / too often, try not to over analyse every little symptom you have - again let things be.

As you become less aware of yourself the brainfog will lift.  That's a promise.

So stop worrying about the brainfog, as that worry is causing it to remain.

Anxiety - like a Naughty Child

Another explanation of how to 'not engage' with anxiety and its scary thoughts:

I often say anxiety behaves like a naughty child - so treat it the same.  It'll scream and shout at you, which is distressing, but react and show the child attention, argue with it and the child will just carry on ... but ignore it, relax and carry on with whatever you're doing and, like the child, it'll get bored and go away.  The naughty child will keep bursting back into the room to have another go at you (blips), but again ignore this, carry on and the child will eventually calm down and go find something else to do.

Videos

Someone I chatted to the other day sent me a link to some Youtube video's which I found excellent (though I haven't yet listen to all of them yet).  They're by a man called David Daish who also suffered from anxiety and he used Dr Claire Weeke's books and method - the same as I did - and this is the same method I constantly talk about here on this blog.

Though the Dr Weeke's books and those by Paul David are easy to read and follow, some people are just too tired to concentrate on a book, so these video's might be a good alternative as all you have to do is listen to his lovely mellow voice.

Sadly I understand David Daish has passed away, and I'm sure many of us would like to thank him for all his hard work in recording these video's to help others.

I hope you find them very useful.

Video Link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/OldRockMan58/videos

Dealing with Scary Thoughts

I know, another post about thoughts, but this is often one of the most distressing side effects anxiety brings to the table.

Someone asked me the other day just what did I mean about 'allowing the thoughts to be there and not engaging with them'.  I know I've posted about this before, but I came up with a better explanation:

So ....... first understand that you won't be rid of these thoughts in an instant (but they will go), and secondly remember they are a side effect of anxiety, and as anxiety eases so too will the thoughts.

And this is the way I explained about 'not engaging':

We all have our own frightening thoughts - god knows I had plenty, each one seemed scarier than the last.  So as an example, imagine I had a frightening thought about a pink elephant (yes, I know .... its first thing that came to my mind), and the pink elephant dogged my every second of my day, producing constant fear and terror.  The very thought of him spikes anxiety, I hated his size, those big feet, his smell, his look ...... anything about him.

My mind will try and work out a solution as to why its there and how to rid myself of this horrendous thought, and so it'll begin ... 'why am I afraid of a pink elephant', 'where has it come from', 'how big is the pink elephant', 'my he's got huge feet', 'what if the elephant gets too near', 'what if the elephant has a friend', 'how can I stop thinking of the pink elephant and his friend', 'what if I'm like this forever' ....... on and on those questions will churn over in my head, day after day, with each question causing more anxiety.

Its those questions that keep the pink elephant seem larger than life (ok, I know they're big animals, but you get what I mean).  The anxiety from the questions feeds the anxiety about the elephant.

Yes the pink elephant will continue be there but stop all those questions about him.  Yes the questions will come but just don't follow them through - let them come and go.  Allow the pink elephant to be in your head, but don't engage with him.  Let him accompany you for now whilst you get on with your day - just don't engage with him.  Let the question float around but don't mull it over.

This is helping to break the constant anxiety cycle.

Eventually over time the pink elephant won't seem as scary and he'll just trump off back to the jungle or wherever he came from.  This takes time, so don't expect him to pack his trunk tomorrow - it'll be a while yet.

Treat all scary thought like this - they're all the same, but just with different hats on.

One important note to remember - yes, you will fail at times at not engaging with your thought, that's only natural.  Its a habit and habits take time to break.  Don't beat yourself up it you fail - but just try again.  Just try not engaging with what ever your pink elephant thought is.

If you have more than one frightening thought (as I did), then treat them all the same.  They will in time lose their importance and the anxiety they produce will start to ease.

Honestly, this really does work.

Negative Attitude

Anxiety will make you think and feel constantly negative, but understanding this is anxiety and not you can make it a little easier to cope with.

I know you feel scared inside but every time you have a negative thought try and follow it up with 'its just anxiety talking, this isn't the real me and I'll think differently when I'm better'.  That's what I used to say - and it does help.

I see so many people writing for example:

I'm scared I won't get better

I'm scared of the heart palpitations

I'm scared because I feel dizzy

I'm worried about my blurry vision

I'm scared I'll hurt someone

I can't catch my breath

I can't stop thinking of bad thoughts

I'm scared I'll go crazy

I can't enjoy myself anymore

etc etc

All these are negatives, and quite honestly its pointless worrying about them because they're just side effects of one thing.  Anxiety.  Those worries are only there because you have anxiety, and its the anxiety that makes you think like this.

Can you see that these worries add to the cycle of anxiety?  By thinking and worrying like this, it causes anxiety and the anxiety causes the thoughts.  There are many aspects to help break the constant cycle, and one of them is to accept these thoughts are due to anxiety, let them come and go, don't try and analyse why you have them, don't try and work them out ...... but when you have a thought like this follow it up with a positive one.  No you won't feel joy from the positive thought, and it won't stop the anxiety - but it helps.  I did this time after time, and it felt like I was just saying a positive parrot fashion.

Sometimes someone will write to me about their fears and worries, and I try to explain why these thoughts are present etc ........ and often the sufferer will say yes I understand that, it makes sense, that makes me feel good ...... BUT I worry I won't be able to apply that ..... and off they go again with the negatives.

Its easy to slip back into negative thinking, and it won't stop overnight I know.  However, understanding this is anxiety doing this and not you can help you see it in a different light.

Just try it - follow up with a little positive thought.  Mine reassurance was always the same line 'but I won't think like this when I'm better'.

-------------

Remember - I'm not a doctor or in anyway medically trained

Always consult your own Doctor

Take Anxiety with you ...

Recovery from anxiety can be different from what you expect.  We don't just take a pill and the anxiety fades away over a few weeks ..... often we take anxiety with us right throughout recovery to the very end.

By that I mean that anxiety is worst for us in the mornings upon waking.  The stress hormone cortisol is released by the adrenal glands in response to fear or stress.  Researchers have studied the cortisol awakening response (CAR) and have found that cortisol is highest in the first hour of waking for people with an increased level of stress in their lives.  This helps explain why you may experience an increase in anxiety in the morning.

What you eat and drink first thing in the morning can also contribute to higher levels of anxiety in the early hours of the day.  Caffeine and sugar can increase anxiety symptoms.  But low blood sugar due to a lack of food can make anxiety symptoms worse.

So however bad you feel in the morning, its not an indication how the rest of your day will pan out.  Don't let anxiety fool you into thinking 'uh oh, another bad day'!!

Because anxiety dominates our every waking minute, it overpowers other recovery symptoms - these could be improved sleep, better appetite, thinking a little more clearly, feeling a little less agitated, concentration improved etc etc., but we don't recognise these signs as recovery because we're all too consumed with the dreadful feeling of anxiety, that we just don't often realise that we are slowly getting better.  It sort of creeps up on you unawares.  But if you actually look back to how you were at the start of your anxiety to where you are now you may see a slight difference, despite still suffering with chronic anxiety.

Don't try and rid yourself of anxiety, because that's one battle you're sure to fail at and will make you feel frustrated, upset, stressed and probably make you feel even more anxious.  You cannot stop anxiety dead in its tracks, but instead understand that you need to take it with you whilst you recover.

So ... every morning you wake full of anxiety, remember its just doing its worst because of Cortisol.  It will lower throughout the day, even just a little.

For me, I started getting glimpses of normality in the evenings.  It started one night and I remember the relief I felt ... and I even sort of kept looking for 'it'!  It felt truly wonderful!!  Imagine my disappointment when I woke the next day full of anxiety again, and I couldn't understand why I'd had that brief moment feeling well.  That evening the same happened again - I felt relaxed and free of my thoughts ......  What was happening?  Night after night this happened and yet I still didn't realise this was recovery.

Over the next few weeks / months this feeling spread further, with it starting earlier in the evening - I then began to wonder if this was recovery.  More time passed and it began starting in the afternoon, then early afternoon, midday, late morning, mid morning .......... until I woke up one day feeling relaxed, warm, cosy ...... it was then I knew 'it' had gone.  Throughout all this time though, I still got those blips where I felt wretched all day and night, often for a week or more.  This eventually passed and I went back into the bad morning / good nights.  Each stage I passed I thought 'ok, I can live with this if it just means I'll be well in the evenings' etc.  At least I was getting some relief.

Even when the anxiety finally left me around 6 months, I still wasn't completely out of the woods.  I still had the occasional blip after 'I'd recovered', but by then it was more of a flat feeling, as if my body was going through the motions of a blip but without all the drama.  Even today, 20+ years since my recovery, I still get the occasional flat time which I recognise as a blip, but which doesn't bother me at all.  I know these happen when I've 'burnt the candle at both ends' and have pushed myself too much and not got enough sleep - this is when my body tells me to watch it.  So I remedy that with getting to bed early, slowing down more and yes sure enough I start feeling more energised and much better.  So - listen to your body, even when you are well.

So ... take the anxiety with you, let it be there, work with it, live with it ... for now.  It will go.  Remember ... you wouldn't be able to heal a broken leg in an instant and you'd live with the pain and discomfort whilst it heals.  Same with anxiety.

After all ..... good things take time.

Accepting

Dr Claire Weekes talks of accepting - when I was ill it took me a long time to understand what this meant exactly.  I'd get cross and say 'ok I understand I'm ill, so how does that help'?

Accepting does mean that and more.  It means you of course understand you're ill but you have to also understand that those thoughts and feelings are going to be with you for quite a while yet and that you need to work with them there.  You can't get rid of it all in an instant.  That's acceptance.  Acceptance of it all.

I often pass this on to others and they often come back and say 'ok I understand that, BUT I have this particular thought .......' or 'that makes sense, BUT I'm sick of the thoughts and desperate to be better'.  That is not accepting - they've done exactly the opposite.  How can you accept something but still complain about it?  Accepting means accept / put up with everything, completely everything without question about what is happening to you.

Of course there'll always be questions and doubts - I was exactly the same.  Am I on the right path, are the meds working, why have I got this thought etc etc., but though those thoughts kept coming I just let them come, I accepted they would and learnt to not engage with them.

The anxiety was rife, it peaked and eased throughout the day and though I longed for it to go away I again learnt to accept the anxiety would be there ... for now anyway.  I allowed it to be there (well, where else was it going to go anyway)?  So I let it be, I let it do its worst, and even in those darkest times I just let it do what it had to do.  That was accepting its presence.

Of course there were times when I just couldn't take it anymore, I crumbled and I felt like a failure.  You will too, and thats perfectly normal.  We're only human, and remember ... Rome wasn't built in a day.  After each crumble I'd just pick myself up and carry on as before.  Accepting.

If you had a cold you'd just accept you had one and wouldn't spend your day trying to work out why you had it or try and rid yourself of it.  Yes you'd take some headache pills and hot drinks no doubt, but you'd know it was a cold and you'd just put up with it until it went away.  This is what you need to do with anxiety and its thoughts.  Let it be, accept you've got it, don't question why, but understand the thoughts are only there because you have anxiety and the anxiety is there because you may have been stressed or something else thats brought it about.  Stop trying to fix it.  Stand aside, let it be and your body will do the rest.

Accept it all and let it pass.  It will - it always does.

Fearful Unwanted Thoughts

I often talk about letting thoughts be there and not engaging with them, so here’s another way of my explanation:

You know how annoying it is when you get a song in your head that just plays over and over, you may find yourself humming along without thinking of it and then finally shout ‘oh just go away’.  It happens all the time, doesn’t it……

So - what do we do when we have a tune stuck in our head?  We just let it be there and get on with life and that tune slowly disappears - in fact a few days later we can’t even remember what the dam song was.

Imagine when you have that tune you do the same to it as you do those fearful, obsessive thoughts that haunt you.  You go around worrying why you have this tune going round in your head, you try and sing something else, you over analyse it and realise maybe its because it belongs to an album and … oh my gosh, all those other songs on that album must be important too and so you then become fearful about them too …..  On and on that song goes and now the others also play round and round in your head, daily, whilst you struggle to rid yourself of them.  This is tiring (hence the weird head detachment), the frustration and the added anxiety.

So - as said, when that tune pops into your head we simply just get a bit irritated with it and just get on with our life and that song disappears.  THIS is what I mean about not engaging with it - let it be there and it will go.

Ok so those thoughts you have come fired with anxiety compared to the song, but whatever feeling they bring its no different.  I know how difficult it is letting a thought AND its anxiety be there, but you let both do the same.  You have to take that anxiety with you as you stop engaging with the thought, let that anxiety rage and as the thought disappears so will that anxiety too.

Fearful thoughts are a side effect of anxiety - and those fearful thoughts bring anxiety too which keeps you in a constant loop.  This method will break that loop, the fearful anxious thought will ease and it’ll stop piling on more anxiety to the anxiety you fear.

You can get rid of any thought like this.  Let it be ……

Suffering is painful .....

Many anxiety sufferers hide their condition from people because of others reactions towards those who suffer from anxiety / depression.  Often you hear 'they need to pull their socks up, they're so selfish, should get out more, he/she's got everything they need so why are they depressed, how can they be depressed if they're smiling, its all in their mind, depression doesn't exist .......' and the list goes on ... and I've heard it all.  Those who have never experienced 'true' anxiety / depression, have absolutely no idea of the pain, the suffering and the sheer misery of it all.  The sufferer might paint a very grim picture when describing it - and believe me, the reality of it is far, far worse ..... more than you could ever imagine.

People who are depressed / anxious don't 'choose' to be ill, they don't want this condition and they'd do anything to recover from it.  They aren't doing this on purpose and if they could pull their socks up they would have done so a long time ago.  Sufferers are allowed to smile - its a facial expression, but it doesn't mean that inside everything is ok.  The family may be tired of it, but just think of the sufferer - they're far more tired of it than the family are because they're the ones suffering.  Anxiety and depression are conditions, just the same as any other medical condition.

If you have a family member or friend who is suffering with this type of condition, then please just be there for them.  Never, ever tell them to just buck their ideas up and don't keep asking 'are you better yet'.  They won't just get over this tomorrow - but they will in time.  Stand by them and they'll forever be eternally grateful to you and love you more than you can ever imagine.

If you're a sufferer and have a family member who seems uninterested in your condition or are tired of it, then please don't blame them either.  Its very hard to understand what anxiety is if you've never suffered with it.  I had no idea either and didn't know what it was when it hit me.  Maybe show them this website / blog and even this blog post.

It does seem a lonely business when you're suffering, but reach out to those who are suffering or have gone through it.  We know what you're going through having been there ourselves.

Stand by your loved ones - that bond will grow ever more stronger.

Pass through Anxiety

I fully believe in the works by Dr Claire Weekes, and when I was ill it was THE only information that made perfect sense to me - more than any Doctor, Psychologist or Psychologist ever did.  I longed for them to adopt this method so I could discuss it with them and move forward ....... this was back in the early 1980's.  Things have certainly moved on since then.

Though I recovered on medication Dr Weekes books helped me tremendously, and it was as I was recovering that the information made more and more sense and I could see anxiety for what it was.

Since I've recovered someone passed me the link to Paul David's books and website and it made me very excited!!  Here was someone who talked to same as I did - and yes, he'd also read the Dr Weekes information too.  Paul's books are brilliant and talk in depth about why you're ill, why you're stuck in the cycle of anxiety, the side effects of anxiety and how to help yourself.

There are many great videos on Youtube from or about Dr Claire Weekes which you may find very helpful.  What she (and Paul David) says is so true - stop trying to avoid the feelings of anxiety but instead let it happen and pass through it to the other side.  By doing this you're allowing the feeling to be there whilst you 'ignore' it.  Its not comfortable ..... but by doing this the anxiety WILL slowly dissipate.

There are many videos on Youtube and here is a couple to start you off:

How to Recover (1)

Heal your Anxiety by allowing your Anxiety

Smile - trick your brain

Did you know that smiling actually spurs a little chemical reaction in the brain, releasing Dopamine and Serotonin ....... those feel good neurotransmitters.  That age old saying 'cheer up and smile' is true ........ Science has shown that the mere act of smiling can lift your mood, lower stress, boost your immune system and possibly even prolong your life!!!

Even if you don't 'feel' that smile, just the act of lifting the corners of your mouth really does make a difference.  Try it ....... even just for 1 minute.

Medication Not Working?

Medication can take a long time to work (see SSRI's page).  Never underestimate how long this takes - it can be months before you notice the slightest bit of ease in your anxiety and it can be 6 months or more until you feel recovered (it varies from person to person).  Some people though don't respond to medication for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes it can be that you particularly need an SSRI, SNRI, MAOI, TCA etc because occasionally one of those will not be suitable for you - but you can't tell until you've tried them for months - so are you on the right medication?

Someone I chat to had his DNA tested with a UK company online, which can tell him which medicine is more suitable for his body (personalised medicine).  He only decided to go down this route because he's taken different types of one medicine for well over a year and hasn't felt the progress he had hoped for.  His results were very interesting!!

If this is something that interests you then PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR FIRST AND DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR PRESCRIBED MEDICINE.  

I am not a doctor and this post is just another avenue if you feel you've exhausted all others and have taken meds for a very long time.

Remember - SPEAK TO YOUR DOCTOR.

Do Nothing .......

Do nothing and get better ....... how can that be?

Lots of people try so hard to recover, battling every day, trying this trick and that tip, searching Google time after time, saving their favourite sites and quotes and equally scaring themselves by reading bad stories ...... always searching for an answer.  This in itself will make you more tired and more confused - which suggestion should you follow, which one is true as they often contradict each other?  Trying too hard will make you worse - you put pressure on yourself to be better, you tense, you become frustrated and angry - you push yourself too much.  Isn't this what led you to become unwell in the first place?  Pushing your body beyond its capability, stress, more overwork.  Yet we don't learn, and once suffering with anxiety we continue to push ourselves, yet our body is asking you to please slow down.  Years later some people are still battling ........ doesn't that tell you something?  Battling doesn't work.

So why not try a different approach ........

Let all feelings and thoughts be there and just get on with life.  Stop avoiding places, stop pushing thoughts away ......... just relax, feel the feelings and do it anyway.

We are the soul creators on our anxiety - so if we're the creators, then we can unlearn this.

Getting on with life, doing exactly what you want to do is the way forward.  Yes it will feel uncomfortable, but letting all feelings be there whilst you live ....... believe me, that fear will rise but equally it will always, always die away too.

Passing through fear and out the other side is the way forward.

I urge you to read At Last a Life and At Last a Life and Beyond by Paul David for more insight into this.  It makes sense.......

Feeling Rubbish Every Morning .....

When we sleep we relax, and when we wake up, the difference between the relaxed state and the waking state can be jarring, and this can make us feel anxious. We all know the shock of waking up from a deep sleep to a loud alarm, and how anxiety provoking that can be.

On awakening, our bodies produce a hormone called cortisol which is released when it’s time to wake up.  Cortisol is also released as a response to stress and it can make us feel tense and anxious.  You can help change your thinking about your morning anxiety by telling yourself “this is just a burst of cortisol which is my body’s natural response to waking up”.  This might help in not becoming anxious about morning anxiety.

Another physical reason we might feel anxious when we wake up is that our blood sugar level drops overnight while we sleep, and this can cause feelings of anxiety in some people.  Eating something soon after you get out of bed will help.  Alternatively, have a snack or drink by your bed and have this before getting up.

The Path to Anxiety and Panic - and the Pathway out

Anxiety and panic often starts from stress.  Your body can only cope with its own personal limit and if you keep piling on more stress then it'll boil over and result in anxiety / panic.  That's often when you have a panic attack - its an outpouring of adrenaline.  

Being pregnant and childbirth is a huge task for your body to deal with - hormones raging about, tiredness, a child to nurture etc etc.  I'm assuming you've been checked for post natal depression?

Anyhow ... usually when you have a panic attack you often associate it with something you've done at the time or a place you're in at the time of the panic.  This actually has no relevance on the panic attack at all, but your brain tells you differently.  So you then associate this place or event with panic, and worry about going to that place or doing whatever you were doing at the time in case you panic again.  You then create a fear of panic, worry about panic and so start avoiding things.  Worrying causes more anxiety, and anxiety causes more fear and worry - so you get caught up in a cycle.  Anxiety also causes strange thoughts, and in turn these strange thoughts cause anxiety - adding to this cycle.  So then you find yourself in this strange place of fear, anxiety, worry, panic, sadness, thoughts, depression etc etc which will continue to churn around in a constant vicious cycle.  All these side effects and thoughts are due to one thing - anxiety.  Fix the anxiety and the side effects will go ... so in effect its pointless worrying about the side effects (but of course, we all do).

When you have anxiety you will think anxiously and negatively all the time.  You will not see anything positive and can only think of doom and gloom, fear and panic.

When suffering anxiety and panic we live in a state of tension - clenching our teeth together, holding the body taught, fighting 'this thing'.  Nerves are sensitive and tight and they need to be desensitised and calm / more soothed.  In order to reverse this cycle your body needs to start relaxing and calming.  But what do we do?  Instead we rush about hoping that keeping busy will distract us, we keep checking to see if 'it' is still there, and we question ourselves constantly and start the long search for answers and a cure.  All this just adds to that vicious cycle that keeps us ill.  But we can't see this because we're too entrenched in it all.

Eating and a sugar rush will not cause you to have a panic attack.  You are doing that by over thinking about this, tensing against it and avoiding it.

SSRI medicine will help to calm the body in time.  Initially it'll only heighten all these side effects, which inevitably will make you fear panic all the more, but over time as the side effects ease off the body will start to calm and you'll start to feel happier (the meds hang onto our Serotonin before being reabsorbed, making us feel happier).  This takes a long time to take effect.

Don't stop taking the medicine.  It will take time to work - and it will help.  You have to give it time though.  Trouble is we all do not like the feeling of anxiety and panic, so we panic at the mere thought of it (adding to the anxiety pot).

As we wait for the meds to kick in it helps to accept that you will feel like this for a while yet, so don't expect to be well tomorrow.  Understand these feelings and side effects take a while to go.  You wouldn't expect a broken leg and all its side effects to heal in a week, so treating the anxiety / panic the same is helpful too.

Also as we wait for the meds to work we can help ourselves by stop rushing about, stop holding the body tight - let go of tension, slow down all the time.  This has the same effect as the meds does.  This takes a lot of time too - months, not days or weeks.  Some people say I've relaxed this afternoon but the anxiety is still there.  Of course it is - it'll take much longer than an afternoon.

Many people reading this won't believe that relaxing and slowing down will help, because they don't get instant relief.  There isn't an overnight off switch, but with continued practice it does work.  The body becomes calmer, thoughts become more logical and calmer, panic soothes, anxiety soothes .......

As said, fearing panic causes more anxiety and more panic.  I know this is extremely hard but going through panic is also the way forward.  Its our reaction to panic that is key - by fearing it will only reinforce it ... and of course the avoidance game starts, which further reinforces it.  When a panic attack strikes the best way to deal with it is to relax as best you can, breathe through it and just let go.  The more you tense and fight it the more you will feel frightened.  I know this is the hardest thing to do, but believe me nothing will actually happen to you in a panic attack.  It will build and it will pass.  Passing through it is like passing through a hurricane and out the other side.  You're re-educating your body to not fear it.

Everyone can overcome this - and I honestly know its not easy, having been there myself.  But I found learning about anxiety and panic, the process it takes to produce it, the process to reverse it, the medication all helped me overcome 16 years of it.

We all panic about panic - its only natural.  But understanding what is happening to you can help to take a lot of tension and fear away.  Knowledge is good - practice letting go and not fighting is good - and the meds are even better wink

You will get better.

Intrusive Thoughts - Just a Side Effect of Anxiety

Intrusive thoughts are actually just a side effect of anxiety - and then the thoughts produce more anxiety, and the anxiety produces more thoughts. You get stuck in a cycle. Once the anxiety starts to ease so too will the thoughts.  I had loads of bad thoughts and they just manifested over time, moved from one important one to another.  As I recovered the thoughts became unimportant and now no longer bother me.

People worry about their thoughts, but understanding they are no more than a side effect, just as a headache is a side effect of a cold, that really does help.  Don't try and stop them - doing that you're just making them more important.  If someone said to you 'don't think of a giraffe', then you'd automatically think of a giraffe.  Letting them be, not reacting to them and they'll lose their power.

Thoughts are very upsetting but if you can learn to just let them be, however powerful they seem, however much anxiety they cause.  By paying them attention you make them important ... and so they cling on.  They won't go away overnight or next week, but continuous practice and they start to diffuse them.  Its like ignoring them, even though they're there.  They will pass as you recover.  An anxious body goes hand in hand with an anxious mind.  Once you're better you think completely differently.  Honestly.

You can't hurry recovery...

I get many emails from people asking for any little tips or tricks that will help them recover.  I firstly point out that you cannot hurry recovery.

Things I found helped (and this is through reading / understanding anxiety and actually doing it).

First a daily walk or bike ride (if you can).  Getting outside in the fresh air is good, even if you don't feel it at the time.  Exercise raises the endorphins and being amongst nature is calming.  Often sufferers who start walking, usually just look at the ground, don't take notice of anything around them, but over time as they recover they will start to emerge and begin enjoying the walks.  

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One of the biggest things to help me was relaxing.  When you're anxious / depressed your body will naturally tense up to protect itself - similar to how it reacts against cold weather (that kind of tenseness).  When you're anxious / depressed your body becomes sensitised and starts to overreact to everything - noise seems extra loud, you get more irritable about things, you overthink and over analyse etc etc.  This is because your nerves are super heightened.  Anxiety likes a tense body, and it needs to be reversed to help it do become desensitised and for your nerves to return to normal.  The relaxing I mean isn't just sitting on the sofa doing nothing, but I mean if you look at your body you'll probably find your jaw is clenched, you hold your stomach muscles tight and you probably rush about from A to B and are highly irritable all the time.  So let go of all tension in your body, like flopping .... but do this whilst you move about.  This is the opposite of what your body naturally wants to do at the moment.  Its quite hard to do actually, and so I used to just practice in short bursts i.e. I'd fully relax whilst maybe washing up, or relax as I walked upstairs etc etc.  Over time I was able to relax more.  The same for rushing about.  Slow down, take your time, don't drive in the outside lane but take the inside lane, drive slower, move about slower.  You might think this won't help but it absolutely does.  Not straight away, so don't expect immediate results, but over much time your body begins to ease.  You're reversing the process.  When you're asleep your body is deeply relaxed and probably feels good - upon waking your body instinctively tenses and you feel anxious again.  Its gone into the fight or flight mode, and its chosen fight.  You can't fight this, but have to go with it and reverse this.

Lastly you have to have lots of patience ....... and I mean lots.  Understand you aren't going to get better tomorrow or next week, and probably not next month either.  But by accepting you feel like you do at the moment, try and go with it however frightening it feels, go for the daily walk, practice relaxing, take your medication if you have been prescribed with any ..... and give yourself time.  You will slowly begin to notice small changes, and if you keep going then bigger changes happen until you start feeling well.  You will get setbacks along the way, but accept those too, pick yourself up and carry on.

Often when I tell people of these tips, they are ignored .... which is quite common.  People don't want to hear about relaxing or walking - they just want to be well NOW.  Unfortunately you will not be well now and by doing as suggested will lead you to a calmer place.  Believe me, I've studied anxiety, I've suffered it for more than 20 years and know how it works.  I was the same - I didn't see how relaxing would help, couldn't see it.  But it does.  100%.  But that's up to you - if you want to go on the same as you've been doing for how many months, then carry on fighting it ...... as I did.  You haven't got anywhere though have you, because you're still searching for that magic wand to make you well.  So why not instead try as I've suggested and stop fighting it, and go with it, accept it, give in, relax, let your tired anxious body relax and give it the rest its craving for.  No it does not mean you're giving up, but it means you're approaching recovery from a different angle - and one that works.

I've had people say to me - but I've accepted it and its still there!!!  Well you've haven't accepted it or you wouldn't still be complaining.  Accepting it means let it be there, however bad it feels.  For now anyway.

People have also said to me - but I can't relax ..... or, I relaxed last night but have still woken with anxiety.  Well of course you have - one practice of relaxation won't do it, and even whilst you relax you'll still feel dreadful.  But ....... with continued practice, days, weeks, months it will lead your body into a better place.  

It often takes a long time to get into the anxiety trap, and so it'll take an equal amount of time to get out of it.

Don't put a timescale on getting better.  I must be better in a months time for my holiday, I need to be well by Christmas, I've given myself 2 weeks before I go back to work.  Forget it.  If you do this you will fail, because by the time that date comes round and you're not well you'll feel upset, more tense and feel utterly wretched.  Instead just allow however long it takes ..... whether its 6 months, a year or 2 months.  Allow recovery to come to you instead of you chasing it.  It will come.

Everyone can overcome this.  However long you've been ill, however deep you feel you've become entrapped.

I recommend you read this website and get a copy of the book At Last a Life.