Take Anxiety with you ...

Recovery from anxiety can be different from what you expect.  We don't just take a pill and the anxiety fades away over a few weeks ..... often we take anxiety with us right throughout recovery to the very end.

By that I mean that anxiety is worst for us in the mornings upon waking.  The stress hormone cortisol is released by the adrenal glands in response to fear or stress.  Researchers have studied the cortisol awakening response (CAR) and have found that cortisol is highest in the first hour of waking for people with an increased level of stress in their lives.  This helps explain why you may experience an increase in anxiety in the morning.

What you eat and drink first thing in the morning can also contribute to higher levels of anxiety in the early hours of the day.  Caffeine and sugar can increase anxiety symptoms.  But low blood sugar due to a lack of food can make anxiety symptoms worse.

So however bad you feel in the morning, its not an indication how the rest of your day will pan out.  Don't let anxiety fool you into thinking 'uh oh, another bad day'!!

Because anxiety dominates our every waking minute, it overpowers other recovery symptoms - these could be improved sleep, better appetite, thinking a little more clearly, feeling a little less agitated, concentration improved etc etc., but we don't recognise these signs as recovery because we're all too consumed with the dreadful feeling of anxiety, that we just don't often realise that we are slowly getting better.  It sort of creeps up on you unawares.  But if you actually look back to how you were at the start of your anxiety to where you are now you may see a slight difference, despite still suffering with chronic anxiety.

Don't try and rid yourself of anxiety, because that's one battle you're sure to fail at and will make you feel frustrated, upset, stressed and probably make you feel even more anxious.  You cannot stop anxiety dead in its tracks, but instead understand that you need to take it with you whilst you recover.

So ... every morning you wake full of anxiety, remember its just doing its worst because of Cortisol.  It will lower throughout the day, even just a little.

For me, I started getting glimpses of normality in the evenings.  It started one night and I remember the relief I felt ... and I even sort of kept looking for 'it'!  It felt truly wonderful!!  Imagine my disappointment when I woke the next day full of anxiety again, and I couldn't understand why I'd had that brief moment feeling well.  That evening the same happened again - I felt relaxed and free of my thoughts ......  What was happening?  Night after night this happened and yet I still didn't realise this was recovery.

Over the next few weeks / months this feeling spread further, with it starting earlier in the evening - I then began to wonder if this was recovery.  More time passed and it began starting in the afternoon, then early afternoon, midday, late morning, mid morning .......... until I woke up one day feeling relaxed, warm, cosy ...... it was then I knew 'it' had gone.  Throughout all this time though, I still got those blips where I felt wretched all day and night, often for a week or more.  This eventually passed and I went back into the bad morning / good nights.  Each stage I passed I thought 'ok, I can live with this if it just means I'll be well in the evenings' etc.  At least I was getting some relief.

Even when the anxiety finally left me around 6 months, I still wasn't completely out of the woods.  I still had the occasional blip after 'I'd recovered', but by then it was more of a flat feeling, as if my body was going through the motions of a blip but without all the drama.  Even today, 20+ years since my recovery, I still get the occasional flat time which I recognise as a blip, but which doesn't bother me at all.  I know these happen when I've 'burnt the candle at both ends' and have pushed myself too much and not got enough sleep - this is when my body tells me to watch it.  So I remedy that with getting to bed early, slowing down more and yes sure enough I start feeling more energised and much better.  So - listen to your body, even when you are well.

So ... take the anxiety with you, let it be there, work with it, live with it ... for now.  It will go.  Remember ... you wouldn't be able to heal a broken leg in an instant and you'd live with the pain and discomfort whilst it heals.  Same with anxiety.

After all ..... good things take time.